yes no maybe NOT

Wow. SO now I'm like, unemployed. It feels very weird, very scary. I think its scary because I have no idea how long my hang-time is going to be. The deal with going right back to work with my previous employer is all but off the table since they discovered (rather late in the game) that they did not need our direct VP's approval (my boss's boss's boss's boss's boss) but actually the "pyramid executive" which turns out to be the CIO. So...yeah. While everyone was all confident that they'd make it happen, slam dunk, etc, now they're all "Oh, gee...I dunno if we can really make a good case to her..." Wtf? It's the same damn case, isn't it? Or maybe its just too embarrasing or something, to admit that you have a little team somewhere that relies on a small handful of people to keep things not only running from day to day, but keep things moving forward. I have no doubt that my old team can keep chugging along pushing their buttons and accomplishing their day to day work without me. But what they'll find is that not much new happens. Anything new that happens will come from outside of the team, and let me tell you, it sucks a huge load to have someone external to your team start calling the shots. But, you know, I've been saying half jokingly that once I'm gone the team will be dissolved and the functions will be dispersed to various similar type teams. I actually sort of left a proposal for just that in my last project update.

Who knows. Maybe when my old new boss gets back from vacation he'll decide he really REALLY needs me back (but I really don't think so) and I'll get that phone call.

Here's the part that I hate, though. I have my next paycheck coming up which will be a full pay period worth of pay PLUS about 6 weeks of vacation paid out. Then, somewhere from 2 to 3 weeks after that I can cash out my 401K which will be another nice lump sum (side not: everyone groans and says "Oh, you get nailed on that cash out, though, ugh, its horrible! Don't do that...") but you know, for me the 401K is a lot like a tax refund. Even though I always kept tabs on it and sometimes adjusted my contributions or the way it was "invested", that steadily growing number was more like a video game score, not like real money, because it wasn't connected directly to my day-to-day well being. On the one hand, yes, it sucks that I'm going to lose thousands of dollars by cashing it out and I will effectively have to start from scratch with my retirement savings. But those are all things that I don't really feel right now. Even at a number somwhat less than that arcade score I've been monitoring, it'll be like real net positive cash flow that will be desperately needed even if I don't start working immediately. So, in the next month or so I will actually have a lot MORE money on hand than usual specifically because I left my job. Bit it doesn't feel like that's real, either, until it happens.

And of course we also have special circumstances all around that make that infusion of cash no longer a luxury, but a necessity. So, while I'm quite used to and capable of floating through the second week between paychecks on a couple hundred bucks, it feels a lot different when in the middle of that week we're taking a trip and will need to have money at our disposal for traveling expenses. And of course we'll need to put down a hunk of cash for an apartment which could eat up all of my vacation and some of my regular pay, and then there's moving costs, which is going to be a couple grand, and of course we'll have to keep paying the mortgage until the house sells... so, even with large than usual amounts of money flowing in, we're still doing a delicate dangerous balancing act. And even if its not as bad as I'm making it out to be, the point is that it FEELS that way. This stands to be our most tense and stressful month yet.

And to make it worse, I'm now without many of the resources I'm used to having at my disposal, like decent laptop computers, access to almost any computer-related or business-related book for free (books 24x7 is one of the great untapped benefits at my preious employer. I used to tap it all the time), health insurance, dental, prescription...sigh. There are so many things we probably should have made sure we did first, like get a 3 month supply of prescriptions, any last checkups or things.

Sigh.
Felix calls. I have to go.
Good luck.
Send money.