obligatory

yes, I'm up and its almost midnight so here's the obligatory post.

It is very very odd, this stretch of time I find myself in. Andrea and I are both home all day (meaning, not at work) but we're not fretting about finding work, finding a place to live, or anything. Andrea is focused on what to do to get ready for the move. I'm doing whatever she says she needs me to do. Sure, I have a few of my own things to do, but my major stresses are out of the picture. The house, well, the house. I'm cashing out my 401K (oh no, they all groan in chorus) which should pay for the mortgage until the house sells, or even allow us to help the house sell sooner. Once I'm looking at paying the mortgage AND rent AND bills out of my salary alone, THEN I'll get stressed about the house. But for now I'm in this weird place where I'm not on vacation, but I'm not working, and I'm not freaked out. It's really weird, but in a good sort of way.

Its like a never ending stream of saturdays and sundays, which is really weird in itself, but which also does things to your mind. I'm losing track of what day it is. The largest unit of time I can really remember is an hour. You go beyon hours and I just don't know what you're talking about. Today and tomorrow is about as concrete as I can fathom. Was today Tuesday or Wednesday? I think it was Thursday, actually. Seriously. I've been doing my Saturday schedule for several days now, and enjoying it. Will I be able to adjust to going to work? Is this what a vacation feels like?

I spend the mornings with Felix, playing in the park...he's just about to start walking. I can see he's starting to try.

I have started making breakfasts and lunches and dinners...

I don't know how to explain it...on the one hand I feel like i have tons of time, on the other hand, I don't really have any free time for leisure. This few chunks of time I've grabbed tonight are sort of fluky. I htink it seems like i had time tonight because I was doing something that didn't require much thought and i was able to double up tasks. We're manually destroying all of our old records and paperwork that we've accumulated in our filing cabinet, retaining only what we decide is actually useful.

Honestly, I don't know why you are supposed to save all your utility bills and pay stubs and bank statements. Maybe the last years worth, but all of them? We have a wooden filing cabinet that is packed full of papers...most we never even look at again but are stashing away because we think we're supposed to. So now we're going back through them all and blacking out vital info with a sharpie and then shredding the pages (by hand so far, poor andrea). I mean, seriously, why take all of that with us? Is it necessary? It hasn't been so far.

I got William Gibson's new book from the library....had it sitting on my dresser for two days now...and I'm worried I'm not even going to get to read it because I don't have all of those idle chunks of time that you have when you're in the midst of a normal life. No bus rides to work, no lazy afternoons...every moment seems to be full of something. I'm actually sort of disappointed that these few moments I have I'm writing here instead of opening that book. I guess I'll have plenty of time for stuff like that once life resumes. Subways and lunch breaks and weekends during nap time. Those things will all resume at some point in the not so distant future. Right now feels like...hang time. Slow motion. Like pollen drifting through a sunbeam.