antics

OK, let me get some things straight out there. I have very little issue with insects in their proper context. Take proper context to mean: not in my home, not in large volumes, not in any way which I could perceive as threatening to myself or my family.

I can look at a giant mound of an anthill teaming with millions of ants without even flinching, so long as this is happening, say, in a desert or some other remote location. But when I see ants in my house in numbers greater than, oh, five, and for periods of longer than, oh, as long as it takes to smash them all, then yes, I tend to develop an "issue" with said insects. The same goes for any type on insect (except for roaches...there is no acceptable quantity or duration for roaches). One spider is no problem. Fifty spiders, yes, i think I'd have a problem with that. One ant, no problem. Fifty ants of all different sizes, especially in a localized area, yeah, I have a problem with that.

My weekend was all but ruined by the ant invasion which started early last week. Why was it not until the weekend that I got really out of sorts? Well, that's when I did a little research and found out that we most likely are being visited by carpenter ants who are most likely interested in living in the walls of our house, if they are not already doing so (which I think they are). So, I develop what my wife considers irrational obsessive behavior regarding our uninvited guests.
"Why don't you get this worked up about any of our several OTHER more pressing issues, like getting the car an oil change or finding a nanny, instead of worrying about some stupid ants?"

I tried to explain it, but I think I failed. She got that it had a lot to do with control and unknowns. Mainly i got super panicked because I did some research and found out that carpenter ants like to move right in and set up shop and that to really effectively deal with them, you should probably hire professionals.

Here's where the big fear comes in for me:
A - This will require money. Possibly MONEY. It's difficult to find anything on the web about how much it costs to really deal with this problem.
B - This is something that will only get worse over time if not dealt with correctly.
C - From what I observe, there is quite a lot of room for ambiguity (are they already living in the walls? How much damage have they caused? How bad could it possibly be at this rate? Is this going to be an ongoing battle against nature? Is this going to make it harder to sell the house? How big of a mistake was it to buy this house in the first place? Did we get a sub-prime mortgage? Do we need to disclose that we had the house treated for carpenter ants when we try to sell the place? Did we get screwed by the people who sold us this house? Is this ant problem just and indicator of a larger issue with the house, like leaky pipes pipes somewhere that will slowly cause more and more water damage until one day the kitchen ceiling caves in and leaves us with thousands of dollars of repair work to do before we can even think of selling? Does my homeowners insurance cover ANY of this? etc...) and not too many places to turn to get those ambiguities resolved.

So I called Orkin to get a "free inspection/estimate" but I was able to get their customer service person to fess up to their standard treatment plan, which is a 1 year deal that comes with visits costing $275(first treatment), $80(30 days), $80(60 days), $80(90 days), $80(180 days). Well, I don't like the sound of that, but at least its something tangible.

Then I came across the website for a local pest control place that said, "Don't panic! Carpenter ants are a pest and they can cause damage but most likely they will not compromise your home's structural integrity if dealt with. Do NOT feel pressured to sign up for an annual treatment plan that costs you hundreds of dollars. We can provide you with treatment options that are much more affordable for homeowners." Basically, this is what I needed to see. A website that stated, in so many words, "Don't worry, you're going to be OK. Here's why..."

So I called them up and spoke to a guy there and he was also very reassuring. He explained how the big name places will require monthly visits, which used to be necessary, but that current technology (for killing bugs, I assume) doesn't need that anymore. Now they use a material that the ants don't detect and so they walk through it and carry back to the nest. Then, as they groom each other they end up poisoning and killing the entire colony. Sounds great, right? Well, yes, they do recommend follow up visits, but basically just twice a year, one at the beginning of the season (spring) and one in late summer/early fall. the reason being that even though you kill the colony or the satellite colony (like the one they are trying to set up in my kitchen walls, I imagine) you still need to prevent ants from re-infesting, which they are want to do unless you are able to seal up all avenues of access AND replace any of the attractants that drew them in in the first place (previously water damaged wood). In our case i think that's sort of unrealistic since this is like a one thousand year old house. So, I was straight with the guy and told him I panicked and called Orkin first and then later found his website. He said, "No problem. Definitely get their inspection." I told him that unless they told me something drastically different after the inspection than what their customer service rep quoted me, I'd be calling him back to have his guys do the treatment. his quote was basically half the price of what Orkin said, and required far fewer visits. So, really when you consider Orkin was saying that it would be about...$600 for one year's worth of ant treatment and about $400 each additional year, and this guy was saying it would only cost $250 for the whole year and then only $200 for each year after that...well, seems like a no-brainer.

Which is why I have regained my sanity, for the most part.
So that begs the question A asked me earlier. Why is this ant thing totally bugging me out when there are other pressing issues like the possibility of the car breaking down or us needing a baby sitter or some other such "unknown"?
Well, see, those are already sort of known unknowns.
I *know* that when it comes right down to it, i can take time off to watch Felix if absolutely necessary.
I also know that, if the car does break down in some way, I'm not necessarily at the mercy of the "professionals" or their ridiculous pricing schemes. I've owned cars for like, ten years. In this past year I have done what I consider to be a relatively major repair on my own at greatly reduced cost. And if the car is our of commission for a few days, a week, well, I know we can get around that too.

But when it comes to the house...I know very little about home-owning so whenever something comes up that is of direct or indirect impact to the house, our ability to live in it or at least extract out of it what we put in, I get VERY VERY nervous. I don't know if ants are a nuisance or a major major deal, if they will cost me $100 or $1000 or $10,000 (when we try to sell). And more to the point, I don't feel comfortable trying to do it myself when its not necessarily something that can be done effectively by the individual home owner.
So, pretty much anything that happens involving the house gets top billing in the anxiety show unless it is one of the few things that I already know about, like restarting the boiler, installing a new dryer, etc...

Lets just hope that the seam in the kitchen ceiling is due to the house expanding and contracting from the changes in season. Hope against hope.